so I just found out again, that I just was a first crush, and he can’t see why he even had a crush on me in the first place.
I don’t mind that it’s him because I never had a crush on him, and we were never a couple but it just hit me in my heart. It reminded me about 3 months ago, when my ex boyfriend broke up with me.
First he told me he had a crush at the begining, and I already think low of myself, I dont have any confedence, so I asked him, why me ? He told me that there was something about me, and the the L word came, he told me that he loved me! And we had onlye ben together for 2 weeks. Then the time went from 2 weeks to 3 months, and I fell so in love with him! then we had holidays and in the end of the holiday he was at this party, the day after he told me that he had been kissing one of the girls, that I also know. I was sooo angry so I didn’t respond at first. Then I told him that i really didn’t know what to say. And then his sms came; he told me he have had a nice time with me, and that he really enjoy me, but that he found out that he only love me like a best friend, and that he really cant see why he fell in love with me. It was a knife stabbing my heart. And it still hurts. And it isn’t the first time… so now im asking myself, is it always going to be like this ? am I going to fall in love , and the other way around, and then get the same line “Im sorry that I had a crush on you, I shouldn’t have told you, and now I really can’t see why I even had a crush on you!”
I still have my exboysfriends in my life. They were my friends befor they were my boyfriends, and I believe that every relationship should have a base started with friendship. But Im afraid that I will never find someone who loves me for me, someone that is not going to regret being with me….. My only problem is that, everytime they turn me down , then Im afraide of opening myself to someone ….
